Appointments for Growth

 Appointments for Growth

I recently learned how significant the term “date,” is. It is a word that can get very lost in our brains as spending time together, but over this past week I have found it more and more similar to the word “appointment.” 

The way people consider dating today could use some work. The term now is used to tell people that two people are spending time together. But there should be a difference between spending time around one another and time spent intentionally with a purpose. When two people spend a lot of time in the same space as each other, it is very easy to feel more connected to that person and that is a wonderful thing. I love special times when I can spend time with special people in my life just breathing the same air. In a way, it shows me that they care and that they are there with me even when we are not doing the same thing. It makes me think that they will be there with me even when we aren’t in the same place. 

But it builds a wall in a relationship when used improperly. Breathing the same air as someone does not by definition constitute a date. If it is rare and special then it could totally be considered a date, but otherwise would be considered time spent together. Dates are intentional and focused in a growth mindset within a relationship. It should be a time when two people come together in order to take their relationship from one place, and move it to another. When two people have a goal in mind to get to know each other better, have a fun experience together, or practice a skill together, the relationship grows. But if a couple thinks that by just spending a ton of time in the same place talking is going to get them by, they are wrong. Relationships need work that has as much variety as life itself and should not stop even after marriage. 

The reality is two people will not be spending their time together, doing the same thing, in the same place, and in the same way. If that were the case then the two people might as well be the same person. But even if that were the case, people have needs for variety, so if you can’t do the same thing over and over forever and expect that you will be happy with yourself then how can you expect that doing the same thing over and over in a relationship will keep the relationship alive. People have four needs, they need materials and an environment they can survive in, they need to love and be loved, they need to feel valuable, and they need variety. We just discussed variety and how a relationship needs it as much as an actual person, but we can also consider how the other needs are related. Survival in a relationship can be physical attraction and living at a close distance that allows for time spent together. Loving and being loved in a relationship can be doing things that are special to the relationship that may not be new or different but are considered special, whether it is going to a special place, eating a certain food, or cuddling on a couch, a relationship needs to feel loved. A relationship feeling valued is very important too and is not the same as being loved. Just because something is loved does not mean it has value enough to be used. To make a relationship feel valued it needs to be used. Have the two people rely on each other for something. Maybe have one of the two provide dinner. That would make a situation where one has to trust the other to make food and the other has to trust that the one will appreciate it.

It sounds a little crazy, but I love thinking about how a relationship between two people is similar to an actual person. I have a girlfriend named Kiara and our ship name might be Luara. Luara would be the person that Kiara and I need to take care of. We need to take care of our relationship and the way we do that is through specific appointments, or dates, to meet the needs of a relationship.