Divorce

It’s a huge break up with a lot more repercussions. These repercussions increase exponentially when kids are involved. It was absolutely mind blowing to think about it.

I had the opportunity to study about how the lives of family members are affected by divorce and my sentiments go out to all those involved. Marriage is built around boundaries, trust, and love. Divorce is ending that and parting ways. That in and of itself is a really difficult thing to do. I don’t have experience with being divorced but I can only imagine that it hurts more than breaking up with a girlfriend. That I do have experience in and it hurts a lot. So take that pain and multiply it by a lot and you get a divorce. The feelings of that divorce spread throughout a family. The father, mother, children, and in-laws feel it. 

It is difficult for both of the parents of children to split up especially if one gets more time with the kids than the other does. Even though two people may split up, that doesn’t mean that they don’t still love their kids. They do still love their kids and they want to be around them. To have that desire and live without that fulfillment can be very difficult to live with. And when the parents get into new relationships, there can be a lot of difficulties adjusting for everyone. The new partners need to get to know the kids and get along with them while dealing with the split attention that the kids have. Part of their love and attention will be going to a person they may not even know, like, or respect. 

In-laws can have it hard because they have spent all the time when the two people were married. Divorce goes beyond a household because there are many people that love that family and boundaries will be tested. For so long the couple relied on each other and now the whole dynamic is changing. Even though the in-laws may not like the new dynamic and situation, they still need to respect it. The same can be said for family friends who may take sides in the divorce but it is important to keep boundaries and respect for both parties so that a situation is not made worse. 

Most of all I feel for the kids during a divorce. Their entire world has been ripped apart and they will be having a much more complicated life than before. Trust that was once there is ripped to shreds, love that they felt coming from their parents is suddenly confused and unsure, and new adults are coming into their lives as their parents meet and marry new people. All that insecurity, confusion, and sudden need for maturity has an effect on children that can damage a lot throughout their life. When new adults come along and they feel the need to give them attention or call them mom or dad, it can be very easy for them to feel like they are betraying their past parents. When they are in the midst of a divorce it can be so easy for them to wonder what part they had to play in their family falling apart. 

I do not have personal experience with divorce, but I think I can start to empathize with how difficult the process is. If anything this strengthens my desire to choose carefully who I marry and to work hard to keep that family together, happy, and healthy. The idea of going through that kind of pain and putting my children through that kind of pain makes me hurt. I am not saying that divorces should never happen, but I am cautious about the necessity of each circumstance. If that kind of pain can be avoided in a healthy way then I would want to take that route to save my marriage.