We Need These

We all have basic needs to survive and thrive. I love to think about our needs and how they apply to our lives and specific circumstances. It is always a small list that is so general that we can pinpoint our needs in each challenge. What’s even more cool is that even though they are so general, it is still a super effective way to think about problems and figure out how to solve them. For a while I have been living with the list that we need to survive, love and be loved, feel valued, and have variety. I love thinking about my life within these categories, but more recently I have learned a new list that I have loved to explore. In this list of needs we need contact and feelings of belonging, power, protection, the ability to withdraw, and challenges. These needs have less to do with physical survival like with food, water, shelter, and clothing and they have more to do with the mental/emotional aspects of our lives. There are bound to be some overlaps from the first list to the second so I will be addressing those as well. 

Contact and a feeling of belonging would be like our need to be loved and feel valued. When we have contact with others we will feel less alone and thus more fulfilled. At times we definitely want to be alone, but we were made to be around other people and feel that connection with them. Not only do we need that connection, but within that connection we need to feel useful. I definitely relate to this. I go crazy if I do not feel like I am being utilized enough. I love to help others and feel like I am benefiting their lives. 

Power is a subject that can be a little hard to talk about because of its different definitions and uses. Let’s assume that in the case of our needs power is an ability to do things in general, not something good or bad, but a tool that can be used in good or bad ways. But we need it. We need to feel like we are in control of our lives and that we can make our own choices. I love it when I have opportunities to be independent. I have learned recently that there are times when it is better for me to ask for help because I know that if I try to take it on alone I will dig myself into a hole. But I don’t get stuck in that mindset of inability. I know that I have power to make my own decisions and I actually feel that my choice to ask for help makes me feel a bit powerful too.

I think protection has a lot to do with contact and belonging. We all need something to fall back on and those places that we feel safe to fall back on like family and friends are places where we have had that contact and had that sense of belonging. This protection or safety can be something like forgiveness or feeling safe enough to assert your own desires and opinions into a situation. 

Withdrawal is a branch of power that people need to feel safe. Sometimes life gets hard and situations get confusing. When these situations arise we all need the power and opportunity to safely take a step back so we can process things at our own pace. I definitely need this because my mind spirals really easily and I have learned that it is best for me to take a day or two before I return to a serious situation so that I can make a decision that is carefully thought through. 

Challenges are needed because humans have to grow. Without challenges, we start to make our own challenges and we start taking risks we shouldn’t be taking. When we are properly challenged in life, we get the opportunity to get useful and healthy skills that will benefit us through our lives. With this in mind I think that I need to have more natural challenges so that I develop the skills I need.